Lorelei L. Kring

Lorelei Kring was done in by the cigarettes just like she always said she would be on November 2, 2023. Born in 1963 in Tomahawk, WI, Lorelei found the Northwoods stifling and left for greener pastures, so it was rather surprising when she chose to spend the rest of her life in Waukesha, WI. As she would have said, that’s the way the cookie bounces.

Lorelei was a talented musician and gifted artist, she possessed an expansive intellect and a quick wit, and she was cherished by those who came to know her. An ornery old coot from the day she was born, she was known equally well for enriching the lives of those around her and for picking fights with strangers for no discernible reason. Though she has left us and passed into the loving arms of Gilda Radner, her spirit will live forever in the traits and values she instilled in her loved ones: the value of unapologetic self-expression, a stubborn streak a mile wide, the necessity of caring for others, and severe mental illness.

In the 90s Lorelei attended the University of Wisconsin in Waukesha, where she was objectively the best damn editor the student newspaper ever saw. She also edited other university publications, tutored fellow students, and worked in the computer lab, where she discovered a lifelong love of tinkering with technology and absolutely eviscerating internet trolls. She never let a bigot or hypocrite go unpunished, and though friends and family occasionally got singed in the process, her burns were mind-bogglingly clever and impeccably crafted.

Though she was reclusive in her later years, Lorelei was a frequent sight at poetry slams and open mic nights in the 90s and 00s, where she performed her brilliantly uncomfortable poems and musical works to audiences who mostly didn’t know what just happened, but appreciated the talent involved. She was perhaps best known in the scene for her scathing ode to Waukesha, sung to the tune of Rocky Top by the Osborne Brothers.

Lorelei was a truly singular person, an underappreciated genius, a cantankerous troublemaker, a radical radical, a lover of the subversive, a creator of unfathomable beauty, and more influential than she ever knew. The world is a far less interesting place for her loss.

Lorelei is survived by many loved ones with whom she had complicated relationships: her loving partner of 28 years Pieter; genderless gremlin child Kellie; flawless grandchild Danielle; and siblings Jill, Kerry, Kim, Debra, Julie, and Timothy.

She was preceded in death by mother Janet, an extremely problematic lumberjack dad, and David Bowie (with whom she had no relationship, but it seems important).

There will be no service; a single verbal misstep in a eulogy may well summon her back from the dead to complain about it, and after everything cancer put her through, she really deserves some rest. Those who wish to celebrate her life would best memorialize her by making some art and yelling at a Republican.